Happy STD month!

I just found out that April is STD awareness month according to the CDC! They also say that 1 in 4 Americans has an STD, which I find...difficult to believe. Unless they're counting things that aren't necessarily sexually transmitted, like HPVs. In support of STD month, one clever nonprofit came up with the idea to email ecards to recent...partners...if you test positive for STDs. One is even in Spanish! My favorite and also the one I used after I got the clap after that gay dance party:

FACT: STDs are never not funny.

God I hate hippies

In case you didn't know (and you wouldn't if you're a creepy home-schooled shut-in) yesterday was 4/20, what some like to think of as the potsmoker's holiday. Why? I don't know. Hippies are stupid. So anyway, at 4:20 on 4/20 University of Colorado was lucky enough to play host to various 420-related shenanigans. Meaning a bunch of idiot kids got together to smoke pot at 4:20 for no reason other than it was 4/20. Show some shame, you dirty hippies!

I mean where's the day when I can drink all I want in public without the consequences? I still get in trouble for drinking followed by driving. I need to pick an arbitrary date/time for my new holiday, Beersday. The day you can drink all you want for as long as you want with no problems. From me. I mean, you can get or die or something.

My favorite quote comes from freshman Emily Benson: "People are getting out their best pot and hippie clothes today." Foolish girl, hippies don't have "best" clothes! In fact, I bet a bunch of them weren't even wearing clothes. I hate hippies so much.

Exactly:

LOVING CUP
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)

I'm the man on the mountain, come on up.
I'm the plowman in the valley with a face full of mud.
Yes, I'm fumbling and I know my car don't start.
Yes, I'm stumbling and I know I play a bad guitar.

Give me little drink from your loving cup.
Just one drink and I'll fall down drunk.

I'm the man who walks the hillside in the sweet summer sun.
I'm the man that brings you roses when you ain't got none.
Well I can run and jump and fish, but I won't fight
You if you want to push and pull with me all night.

Give me little drink from you loving cup.
Just one drink and I'll fall down drunk.

I feel so humble with you tonight,
Just sitting in front of the fire.
See your face dancing in the flame,
Feel your mouth kissing me again,
What a beautiful buzz, what a beautiful buzz,
What a beautiful buzz, what a beautiful buzz.
Oh, what a beautiful buzz, what a beautiful buzz.

Yes, I am nitty gritty and my shirt's all torn,
But I would love to spill the beans with you till dawn.

Give me little drink from your loving cup.
Just one drink and I'll fall down drunk.

Just to refocus the awesomeness:

My Name is Earl

really almost made me cry tonight. Seriously. And I don't do that. Ever. But when Randy said to Earl "I hope you crossed enough things off your list to get into heaven" that just about did it.

Washington DC

So I had orientation in DC from Sunday-Tuesday. Fun stuff, except I almost missed my flight to DC (I poorly misjudge time on a regular basis). Thankfully, I didn't need to check any luggage. An uneventful flight (although the plane was uncomfortably warm) and I arrived at Reagan Airport. It was really cool during the descent, as we flew by the Capitol building and right over the Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln monuments. I figured the picture wouldn't take too well from a plane window. Reagan Airport definitely looks like it was designed in the late 60s-early 70s, I mean look at those domes:
Anyway, in case you couldn't tell, that picture was taken from the Metro tracks. It turns out that the hotel wasn't really in walking distance, as the lady from the travel agency had led me to believe. So I got to figure out how to use the Metro in DC, which wasn't too bad. I took another picture prior to leaving the airport, but I'm not sure why. The DC Metro is definitely less creepy than Cleveland's RTA...although I have yet to see homeless people sleeping at RTA stations. Note how I said "yet".

So, I got a little lost coming out of the Metro station and ended up walking 4-5 blocks in the opposite direction. I eventually figured my way back and found the hotel, waited in a pretty long line to check in, threw my bags in the room and ran to wait in an even longer line to check in and register for orientation. Anyway, after the introductory talks and information, everyone was set free for dinner. I returned to my room to rest a bit but when I tried to check my email I found that internet connections cost $10 bucks for 24 hours. Needless to say, I was pissed. All the other hotels I've been to recently have had free internet, sometimes wireless. And I was even more pissed to find...well just look at the picture. WHO THE EFF USES THE HOTEL PHONE WHILE THEY'RE TAKING A DUMP??? I mean, I've already been freaked out by people (douches) talking on cell phones in airport bathrooms while taking a dump. But, really, no internet but a freaking phone next to the toilet? You Doubletree asshats. So great, no email for three days. The rest of the evening was uneventful, as I was tired. Ate dinner, came back, slept. But on the way to/back from dinner I did notice some things:

1. The hotel is very close to the Pentagon. As in, the Pentagon is across the highway. So I guess it shouldn't come as a shock that contractors like Boeing are in the same area. Although, I can't help but feel cynical knowing that Boeing is right across the street from the people handing out massive defense contracts. But I guess that's DC.
2. It was noticeably warmer there. And I know it's further south than Cleveland. But flowers? That's really rubbing it in. Jerks. I'll go back to my near-freezing weather.







3. I glanced at this, chuckled, thought about about it, went back to look again and laughed even harder.








Monday it was raining out, so nobody went out during the free time. Which made me kind of sad, as I wanted to see the Pentagon. At any rate, the breakout sessions for the individual countries were more helpful and I was easier to see other people who would be going to Taiwan. So after the all the talks, we took the Metro to the Mall area and walked around for a bit. It wasn't raining too bad, just sprinkles on and off. Still, I was ticked that I'd forgotten my camera. Anyway, we ended up at the Old Ebbitt Grill for dinner and drinkin'. The place was PACKED. We waited like 45 minutes, but eventually the beer flowed and the food was pretty good. When we got back to the hotel, we decided to go up to the top floor rotating bar. Good times, good times. I just wish that I'd taken more pictures.

I'm going to grow a beard like Christopher Cross

Also, this is pretty awesome:


And so is this (Metal version alert):

Most important emails in one day, ever!

1. Don't need to worry about going to Dallas. I'm kinda dissapointed, but at least I heard from him.

2. I DO need to worry about the interview in San Diego now. Which is awesome since starting this week (or as soon as I start having cells that are ready) I will:

3. Revise the paper for JCB. That's a lot of cyclohexamide assays to do. Wheeeee.

4. No messin' around tomorrow. Paul Simon all day, plannin' and workin'!

5. And don't forget ASBMB and Taiwan. Forgot the Taipei guidebook though.

6. Nothing from NYU? Oh well.

7. Should get the cat soon. That's exciting too.

What a crazy day! Time to relax and listen to some Paul Simon and read some Bakker.

This explains a lot:

Also, it rocks.

Wasted
by The Donnas

I can't sleep can't even breathe
you're a devious distraction
when you put your hands on me
you start a chemical reaction

oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh

can't think straight can't count to two
all the risk that we've been taking
i don't know what it is about you
but you always leave me shaking
Cuz' i'm a train wreck in the makin'
it's all strung out but it's not so bad
you're the fix i've never had

the first time i saw your face
i've got wasted on your love
i'm a total wreck i'm a basketcase
i'm a user you're my drug

i can't seem to stop myself
when it comes to indiscretion
i left my conscience somewhere else
another public makeout session
it's a late night confession
can't wake up and i can't calm down
i want it bad i want it now

the first time i saw your face
i've got wasted on your love
i'm a total wreck i'm a basketcase
i'm a user you're my drug
[Wasted lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]


i'm wasted on your love

i'm already gone
la la lalala la la lalala
i'm barely hanging on
la la lalala la la lalala
i'm passed out on your lawn
la la lalala la la lalala
all the damage that you've done
you're turning me into a fiend

the first time i saw your face
oh oh oh oh
the first time i saw your face
oh oh oh oh

[solo]

the first time i saw your face
i've got wasted on your love
i'm a total wreck i'm a basketcase
i'm a user you're my drug

the first time i saw your face
i'm wasted on your love [Wasted on your love]
the first time i saw your face
i'm wasted on your love [Wasted on your love]

i'm a total wreck i'm a basketcase
i'm wasted [Wasted]wasted on your love

the first time i saw your face
i'm wasted [wasted] wasted on your[wasted]
wasted on your love

FACT:

[late] saturday lyrics:

I believe in a thing called love
by The Darkness

Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!

I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! Guitar!

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!

Sunday evening (not sad) lyrics

This is the only Cracker video I've seen on VH1 classic. Also, it's an awesome song.

Teen Angst (What the World needs now)
by Cracker

I don't know what the world may need,
but I'm sure as hell that is starts with me.
And that's a wisdom,
I've laughed at.

I don't know what the world may want,
but a good stiff drink it surely don't.
So I think I'll go and fix myself a tall one.

Cause, what the world needs now
is a new kind of tension.
Cause the old one just bores me to death.
Cause, what the world needs now
is another folk singer
like I need a hole in my head.

I don't know what the world may need,
but a V8 engine is a good start for me.
Think I'll drive to find a place,
to be surly.
I don't know what the world may want,
but some words of wisdom could comfort us.
Think I'll leave that up to someone wiser.

Cause, what the world needs now
are some true words of wisdom
like La La La La La
Cause, what the world needs now
is another folk singer
like I need a hole in my head.

I don't know what the world may need,
and I never grasped your complexities.
I'd be happy just to get your attention.
And, I don't know what the world may want,
but your long, sweet body lying next
to mine could certainly raise my spirits.

Cause what the world needs now
is a new Frank Sinatra
so I can get you in bed.
Cause what the world needs now
is another folk singer
like I need a hole in my head.

The real contest tonight in GB:

It's this:


























vs. this:

Christopher Cross:

He also rocks your face off

So...

Now that everything is apparently is coming up Milhouse, when do I get fucking kicked in the nuts?

Sad Saturday morning lyrics

Helpless
Neil Young

There is a town in north Ontario,
With dream comfort memory to spare,
And in my mind
I still need a place to go,
All my changes were there.

Blue, blue windows behind the stars,
Yellow moon on the rise,
Big birds flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows on our eyes.
Leave us

Helpless, helpless, helpless
Baby can you hear me now?
The chains are locked
and tied across the door,
Baby, sing with me somehow.

Blue, blue windows behind the stars,
Yellow moon on the rise,
Big birds flying across the sky,
Throwing shadows on our eyes.
Leave us

Helpless, helpless, helpless.

FACT:

Michael McDonald rules your face.

Uh,

Why don't I own this comic book???

Iron Man vs. Doctor Doom: Doomquest HC: Okay, admittedly, twenty bucks might seem like a lot to pay for a comic that contains a grand total of four (4) issues, but when said issues are:

a) about Iron Man and Dr. Doom traveling back to the days of King Arthur and beating the crap out of each other,

b) full of Dr. Doom referring to Iron Man as “errand boy!” and “lackey!” in virtually every scene where they interact, and

c) totally awesome

From the ISB

Sad saturday morning song lyrics (sunday night edition)

They're Hanging Me Tonight
Marty Robbins

When I hear the rain a comin' down it makes me sad and blue
Was on a rainy night like this that Flo said we were through.
I told her how I loved her, and I begged her not to go
But another man had changed her mind so I said goodbye to Flo.

Alone within my cell tonight my heart is filled with fear
The only sound within the room is the falling of each tear.
I think about the thing I've done, I know it wasn't right
They'll bury Flo tomorrow, but they're hanging me tonight,
They're hanging me tonight!

That night he came and took my Flo and headed in to town
I knew I had to find this man and try to gun him down
As I walked by a dim cafe and I looked through the door
I saw my Flo with her new love and I couldn't stand no more,
I couldn't stand no more.

I took my pistol from my hip and with a trembling hand
I took the life of pretty Flo and that good for nothin' man
That good for nothin' man!
I think about the thing I've done I know it wasn't right
They'll bury Flo tomorrow, but they're hanging me tonight,
They're hanging me tonight.

So football

Is totally more entertaining without the commentators. The Browns game was run by ABBA mostly, followed by a little Rage Against the Machine. The late games were covered by Johnny Cash and Marty Robbins.

And apparently Greg Lake came out at TSO tonight in C-Lo, according to Heath. But I've seen the other two members of ELP, so eat it. But I'm still jealous.

England swings like a pendulum do

1. NSF grant was due 12/12. It's not getting reviewed until 1/17? Good thing I busted ass to finish a month before anyone even looks at it. The government is awesome. I just hope whomever reviews it knows what a protein is. Otherwise I'm screwed.

2. I no longer get Rolling Stone. Not that I wanted it in the first place, but it was free, so eh? I felt guilty not reading it. But nowI apparently get ....Men's Journal? I don't even know what the Hell this magazine is for. Is it for extreme sports guys? I think it's actually for men having midlife crises who want to read about other, crazier men doing crap like cliffjumping. At least this one is monthly, so I can take my time with it.

3. Country music sundays now kick more ass than ever with new Roger Miller, Johnny Horton, Marty Robbins, Johnny Cash and...wait for it...Merle Haggard!

Doctor Rockzo, the cocaine-loving clown

Rockkk!!!!

Here is are reasons never to fly, based on my experiences:

1. When arriving at the Northwest ticket counter yesterday at 6 am for my 7 am flight there was a full line. Like way past the guideropes. And yet only 2 people working behind the desk. Convienent. So, I got through by around 6:40, only to wait in the security line.

2. Security guard who checks IDs (what a job): "This License expires today." Me: "I know." Him: "It expires today." Me: "I know, I'm going to Alaska today. It's an Alaskan license." Him: "It expires today." Me: "Just let me through." Barely caught the plane to Minneapolis.

3. Minnepolis > Seattle flight delayed 2 hours in 15 minute increments. Spent 6 hours at that airport. Missed Seattle connection to Alaska.

4. Rebooked on new flight to Alaska. Problem: fat woman with a 3-week old baby in the middle seat NEXT TO ME. Also, she required approximately 20% of my space from my seat, not including the armrest. I am now sore all over from sitting at very awkward angles for 3.5 hours.

5. This is the least of the problems, but upon final arrival in Fairbanks, Mister pushy had the window seat and I was in the aisle. someone handed me my backpack (we were in the front non-first class row with no underseat storage) which apparently made him quite jealous. So he started pushing me a bit because he apparently wanted his bags too. Which were in the over bin RIGHT ABOVE US. Me: "Hey, your bags are still there. They're not going anyplace." Him: "Mumble mumble crazy talk".

6. Finally, guess what? My only checked in bag didn't make it. Great. So clothes (I guess they were all dirty anyway) no toiletries ( I really want to brush me teeth).

Thanks airline industries! Thanks idiot passengers! Thanks government for bailing the airlines out!

Concert update:

12/12 The Sword @ The Grog Shop. Best news in a longass time. Ultramegasuperfantastic-blastfax kudos to Amy for pointing this out to me. I love the friggen band and I had no idea. I'll be there with bells on! Or armor. You know, something cool.

12/29 John Mullins and Dave Katz @ The Grog Shop. I loved the Ed McGee and Dave Katz solo shows at Peabody's, so this should be great too. I'll be there, taping.

1/25 Cobra Starship. Grog Shop. Sold out??? wtf? I gotta find a way in.

Actually, credit to Amy for all of the above, as she showed me the Scene containing the ad.

Your logic lesson for the day:

For your consideration:

FACT: Larry the Cable Guy loves Iron Maiden.

FACT: Beer makes everything better.

FACT: The polar bear is the most overrated bear.

FACT: I was within 30 feet of about 40 dead bodies today.

Just a reminder:

YouTube Republican debate (like #8?)

Pre-debate: Lou Dobbs is creepy. Do people enjoy watching him? Is he Napoleon Dynamite all grown up? God, his voice is awful.

So we need somebody to introduce the guy who is introducing the candidates? w/e

Holy shit, Duncan Hunter is still here!

These intros are bizzare.

Awkward hug from John McCain!

...And then they just stand there....

8:06Look, I don't care which questions they're NOT going to ask.

8:08 wtf is this? a mfing song? I need some more beer. It's not a question dummies.

8:13 I just don't get worked up about immigration. Wait, Rudy says....BURRRRNNN!!! Smack.

8:15 I think Rudy is trying to score cheap points. Mitt the robo-executive tries to come back.

8:17 Really? Another immigration question? Criminy. So abortion and immigration? There are other issues people.

I'm bored with this boring immigration debate. I'm going to email my friend with the new baby.

8:22 That question guy is in the audience? Creepy.
8:23 Tancredo pretty much admits he's the immigration candidate, and that's it. Wait, he wants to stop ALL immigration? Uhhh....right.

Duncan Hunter is my least favorite.

8:26 Huckabee's question is stupid. And I'm no Huckabee supporter. Also, please, there are other issues than immigration. Like abortion.

30 minutes in and no Ron Paul. Oh well.

8:31 omg, give Ron Paul the crazy question. You goddamn assholes. He tries to turn it around though. Big applause? Ok then.

8:33 Hm, this seems like a question tailor-made for Paul...and you give it to McCain. (His indirect answer is to spend money killing brown people in other countries instead of science) But pretty good applause.

8:37 Ahhhh....right up my alley. Thompson's line didn't get a very big laugh for some reason. Paul and his cutting fucking DEPARTMENTS. fantastic.

Wait, Huckabee is copying Paul? Don't be an asshat. but good ending.

Wait, why is McCain attacking Paul?

Grover Norquist is exactly the nerd I'd thought he'd be.

8:45 Good question, but who the hell is this smarmy ass kid? Jesus!

It's not even an hour in and I'm ready to start doing shots.

Duncan Hunter REALLY hates China.

8:52 That was a pretty nasty Thompson attack ad. But he makes a fair point.

8"55 Holy shit, is this commercial for real?? Some Australian asshole talking about kids not drinking from Coors? Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm actually embarrassed to have even watched it.

still bored, so Quiet Riot comes back on.

Lame gun control question. Lamer answer from .....sigh, Hunter.

9:01 Did Guliani just admit he's a bullying jerk? I think so. Also, it's a shifty answer.

9:04 Another crazy question? OK. Also, please be quiet Duncan Hunter.

9:05 Black on black crime. Best question of the night (so far). Lame answer Romney. So far they are dodging the question. Guiliani associates black with "poor". I'm betting they dont'give this to Paul, who will give the only honest answer.

9:09 Good answer from Paul on abortion...hmmmm...just an OK answer. Saved by a federalist answer. Is Thompson telling states what to do?

Why does Rudy keep calling it "Roe against Wade"?

Mike Huckabee, king of the debate one-liners

9:16 wtf kind of question is that? Huckabee gives a heartfelt, honest answer. damn him. His best so far actually.


9:23 Lame Rudy ad.

RAH RAH RUDY!!
sorry, its RAH RAH war in iraq. Wait senior McCain, didn't Paul oppose Rumsfeld's strategy?

Hunter: omg.....WE HELP U LOTZ, LUV UZ!!!!!

9:31 I agree w/ McCain on torture. And I think he and Paul stand alone on this issue.

Holy crap??? The question is who wants to stay in Iraq the longest? Dumbass.

McCain's applause beats Paul's? Sigh.

Wow, lots of Paul boos.

9:37 Tancredo, we know you hate brown people.

I really think Thompson is runnig for VP.

ROFL: Duncan Hunter built a fence. lololol

shit, that coors don't drink if you're under 21 commercial is on AGAIN.

....Another question to Hunter? awwww.....Wait, conservatives hate gays? Uh...Romney's asnwer is laaaame and a non-answer. And people are booing the re-question? Morons. You can still try to answer the question.


9:52 Huckabee = mister jokester. These gay rights non-answers are troubling.

9"53 Mister lisp asks about the national debt.

9:56 The Mars Society? they get a question? Huckabee says NASA saved your life. Tancredo blames NASA for the national debt.

9:58 Why don't black people vote for republicans?......From what i understand, if they don't have an approved family, they should go to jail.

10:02
Confederate flag....Romney = nonanswer....again. Thompson gives a long winded but eventually correst answer.

Ron Paul vid last? Eff you CNN.

Ron Paul gives his best answer of the night at 10:06....when no one is watching.

10:07 Line item veto debate again? C'mon.

10:08 Yes, yes, we all love Ron Paul. Bad question though.

10:09 Fair BoSox question to Rudy. OK, now it's stupid. Just end it.
Thanks guys.

Tim and Eric

Awesome Great Job! started a new season last sunday. Now I gotta keep my ass awake until 12:15 every sunday.

I want to join the Heidecker family too.

Argggh

I now realize that there is a problem collaborating with people from other countries. Taiwan is 13 hours ahead of EST! This means that the only reasonable time for direct communication comes after 7pm (which is 8am there). Rapid back-and-forth emailing is near impossible. Which is slowing things down a bit. Hopefully I will have some idea and will be able to get started on the proposal some time this weekend. At any rate, the bio-sketch is about finished, but I still need my Case grades, to find my AU grades and to get the letter of acceptance from the host lab. Back to work!

Michael Strahan's guide to success:

Study hard.
Do your homework.
Make good decisions.

Babies: rethinking old positions

I have never liked babies. Or, I guess, more accurately, I used to not like babies. Or maybe it is the concept of babies that I've changed my mind about. That being said (and I'm not trying to sound cliche, or whatever) babies are amazing.

Chengzhuo had her son yesterday morning. I went to see the whole family today and left UH feeling better than I've felt in a long time. Like I said, I don't know if I've changed in terms of how I think of babies or maybe post-birth mothers release happy-phermones (if so, I will manufacture them and use/sell them). Maybe the fact that Chengzhuo, her husband and her mother-in-law were all so happy was infectious. Right now, I don't care.

I couldn't stop looking at the baby. I know it sounds gay or whatever, but it was breath-taking. That little guy was in her belly last wednesday (the last day she came to work) when she told me to quit being so sad and serious. Well, starting friday, I've been trying. And today I didn't even need to try.

He was still ugly in that baby way (before I meant that in a mean way, but not now). But it was still somehow cute. Like a tiny Jim Henson creation. I couldn't even touch him.

I can't wait to babysit when he gets older. I'm gonna be a rad uncle.

Great song you've probably never heard

I'll assume nobody's heard this song (unless you're a diehard Skynyrd fan), but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite songs, period. Give it a listen, if you can.

Was I Right or Wrong
Lynyrd Skynyrd

Like a restless leaf in the autumn breeze
Once I was a tumblin weed
Like a rollin stone, cold and all alone
Living for the day my train would come
I never cared for school or any golden rules
Papa used to always say I was a useless fool
So I left my home to show them thay was wrong
And headed out on the road singing my song
Then one sunny day. the man, he looked my way
And everything that I dreamed of, it was real
Money, girls and cars; and big long cigars
And I caught the first plane home so papa would see

When I went home to show em they was wrong
All that I found was two tombstones
Somebody tell me please was I right or wrong
Oh, such a sad song
First I got lost, then I got found
But the ones that I love are in the ground
Papa I only wish you could see me now
Take a listen papa
Whoo, I learnt how to play my guitar
Gonna be a superstar

First I got lost, then I got found
The ones I love are in the ground
Wont you tell me please was I right or wrong

If theres any way you can hear what I say
Papa, I never meant to do you wrong
All the money, girls and cars. and all the words and all the cigars
Papa, I just want you to know they couldnt take your place

When I went home to show em they was wrong
All that I found was two tombstones
Somebody tell me please was I right or wrong
Oh, such a sad song
First I got lost, then I got found
But the ones that I love are in the ground
Somebody tell me please was I right or wrong

I just found out

I'm proud to come from a state that only has 4 recognized political parties: Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Alaskan Independence. And I only support 2.5 of of those 4.

Sad saturday morning lyrics

"I Don't Want To Be Me" by Jethro Tull

Got a grand house out in the country.
Marble pillars holding the door.
Empty bottles lining the wall from the night before.
Got a Roller out in the garage.
But the wheels are stuck to the floor.
Got no reason to go anywhere--no friends call anymore.
I don't want to be me, I don't want to be me,
I know it's hard to see, But I don't want to be me.

Had me playing down at the palace.
I was declared the belle of the ball.
Made the boys take my goods and chattels away--
now I'm staring at an empty hall.
I don't want to be me.

Pardon me--I'm on my way.
Pardon me but I'm going.
Taking on the simple life and I feel the grass roots growing.
I'm going to ride the ragged road--
diamond spurs jangling into the sunset.
No circuits running overload--Well maybe I'm not done yet.

Now there's nothing left in the cupboard
and three bears' been eating my soup.
My life is one big critical mess if you take a look.
And the butler's off in Ibiza on expense account gone berserk.
But I can't check out of this crazy world
without being a jerk--I don't want to be me.

So,

TRANSFORMERS the movie totally makes sense, right? Orson Wells ftw!!!

Awesome Ween pics from that show:

The White Stripes:

If you think that a kiss is all in the lips
C'mon, you got it all wrong, man
And if you think that our dance was all in the hips
Oh well, then do the twist
If you think holding hands is all in the fingers
Grab hold of the soul where the memory lingers and
Make sure to never do it with a singer
Cause they'll tell everyone in the world

But he was thinking about the girl
Yeah, but he's thinking about the girl, oh

A lot of people get confused and they bruise
Real easy when it comes to love
They start putting on their shoes and walking out
And singing "boy, I think I had enough"

Just because she makes you feel wrong
She don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy
Take a tip and do yourself a little service
Take a mountain turn it into a mole

Just by playing a different role
Yeah, by playing a different role, oh

The boat yeah you know she's rockin' it
And the truth well you know there's no stoppin' it

The boat yeah you know she's still rockin' it
The truth well you know there's no stoppin' it

So what, somebody left you in a rut
And wants to be the one who's in control
But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder
How the hell she could be so cold

So now you're mad, denying the truth
And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth
You need ta spit it out, in a telephone booth
While you call everyone that you know, and ask 'em

Where do you think she goes
Oh yeah, where d'ya suppose she goes, oh

The truth well you know there's no stoppin' it
And the boat well you know she's still rockin' it

The boat well you know she's still rockin' it
And the truth yeah you know there's no stoppin' it

You recognize with your back in the back?
That it's colder when she rocks the boat
But it's the cause hittin on the Cardinal Laws?
'bout the proper place to hang her coat

So to you, the truth is still hidden
And the soul plays the role of a lost little kitten but
You should know that the doctors weren't kidding
She's been singing it all along

But you were hearin' a different song
Ya you were hearin' a different song
But you were hearin' a different song

ummmm......WEEN!!!!

Not sure what I need to say, other than Ween sold out HOB! It was PACKED. Crazy-ass Ween fans, people in costume, stupid effed-up HS kids passing out and fighting....everything you'd expect. Chilled at Nick's for a bit after picking Ryan's ass up out in Brunswick. Nick wanted to leave a little early to avoid the line to get in, so we left at 8:30....and still ran into a huge line. The Euclid construction didn't help either. We were still in before the start and they started right on the nose at 9. and played for 3 friggin' hours! Including 2 encores! Setlist:

Pork Roll, Egg & Cheese
Spinal Meningitis
Happy Colored Marbles
Piss Up A Rope
Learning To Love
Take Me Away
The Grobe
Even If You Don't
Voodoo Lady
Your Party
Buckingham Green
Albino Sunburned Girl
Leave Deaner Alone
Marble Tulip Juicy Tree
Don't Get 2 Close To My Fantasy
Stroker Ace
Touch My Tooter
Object
Woman & Man
Zoloft
Wavin' My Dick In The Wind
Dr. Rock (Mighty battle axe included!)
Did You See Me
My Own Bare Hands
Booze Me Up
The Mollusk
Buenos Tardes, Amigos

Encore 1: Fiesta
Gabrielle
Papa Zit
Mr. Richard Smoker
Powder Blue
Someday

Encore 2: I'll Be Your Jonny On Th' Spot
Young At Heart Jam w/Deaner On Drums

Great. Especially the Dr. Rock when an audience member tossed Gener a Halloween battleaxe and he used it to lead the crowd in some rock sing-along action. Too bad Nick missed it (and taking a picture of it). Gener acts like (and IS) a goddamn rock star. And Dean wasn't effing around either, he had some smokin' guitar parts, and really got into playing the guitar while it was on the ground. I was so beat after this and last night that I stayed in Brunswick and drove back this morning at 5:30 (somehow traffic is still bad that early). I still wish every night was a Ween concert.

DBT

Soooo....last night was supposed to be a kind of laid back acoustic DBT show....Not so much. First, the setlist:

"When I woke up this morning I thought this was going to be one of those Dirt Underneath shows"...Patterson Hood

New Patterson song (The Righteous Path?)
Women Without Whiskey
Little Bonnie
Gravity's Gone
Puttin' People On The Moon (The HEAVIEST version I've ever seen)
I'm Eighteen (Yeah, Alice Cooper)
Marry Me
Panties In Your Purse
The Opening Act
Self Destructive Zones
Sandwiches For The Road
One Of These Days
Heathens
Tales Facing Up
Daddy's Cup
Lookout Mountain

Encore:
Let There Be Rock
Three Dimes Down
Ronnie And Neil
Buttholeville/State Trooper

So, obviously a rock show. The rock show. Kick ass rock show. It was all worth it for the Moon>18, which rocked totally hard. Then, maybe about 2/3 through the show Amy texts me to say she's hanging out with....wait for it....Dean Ween. Like from Ween. Me: "No fucking way" Amy: "He's gonna sing Van Halen at karaoke" Me: (actually I had already peed my pants at this point).
I didn't get Zip City, but that's ok State Trooper was FanFuckingtastic when Patterson starts throwing the mic stand around cuz he's drank so much whiskey. I need to listen to the recording, I hope it turned out ok.

I would have driven out to Lakewood, but I was beat by the time the show got out at 12:15. And, embarassingly, I wanted to check my email. So I went home. But that email I've been waiting for was there, so still worth it in my opinion. ;)

And still got Ween tonight. Kick ass.

Pre-DBT show partying says:

Zip City is one of the best songs of the last 10 years.

Zip City
by the Drive-By Truckers

Your Daddy was mad as hell
He was mad at me and you
As he tied that chain to the front of my car and pulled me out of that ditch that we slid into
Don't know what his problem is
Why he keeps dragging you away
Don't know why I put up with this shit
When you don't put out and Zip City's so far away

Your Daddy is a deacon down at the Salem Church of Christ
And He makes good money as long as Reynolds Wrap keeps everything wrapped up tight
Your Mama's as good a wife and Mama as she can be
And your Sister's puttin' that sweet stuff on everybody in town but me
Your Brother was the first-born, got ten fingers and ten toes
And it's a damn good thing cause He needs all twenty to keep the closet door closed

Maybe it's the twenty-six mile drive from Zip City to Colbert Heights
Keeps my mind clean
Gets me through the night
Maybe you're just a destination, a place for me to go
Keeps me from having to deal with my seventeen-year-old mind all alone
Keep your drawers on, girl, it ain't worth the fight
By the time you drop them I'll be gone
And you'll be right where they fall the rest of your life

You say you're tired of me taking you for granted
Waitin' up till the last minute to call you up and see what you want to do
But you're only fifteen, girl, you ain't got no secretary
And "for granted" is a mighty big word for a country girl like you
I think that's just your Daddy talking
Cause He knows that blood red carpet at the Salem Church of Christ
Ain't gonna ever see no wedding between me and you

Zip City it's a good thing that they built a wall around you
Zip up to Tennessee then zip back down to Alabama
I got 350 heads on a 305 engine
I get ten miles to the gallon
I ain't got no good intentions

Porcupine Tree

So trucked back down to HOB last night for Porcupine Tree. And it was pretty awesome. Rode the rapid by myself and caught the second half of the openers, 3. They rocked pretty loud and hard. Not too bad. PT then came out and were awesome. Reminded me more of Tool than the stuff on that old double disc I got from Nick, but I enjoyed it. They even busted out some of those old ones that I recognized! Not that I actually know any song names. Anyway, here is the setlist, not that it means a whole helluva lot to me:

What Happens Now?
Fear of a Blank Planet
Sound of Muzak
Lazarus
Nil Recurring
Anesthetize
Open Car
Dark Matter
Cheating the Polygraph
A Smart Kid
Way Out of Here
Sleep Together

Encore:
The Sky Moves Sideways (!!!!!!)
Even Less
Halo

I left most of the way through Halo so as to not miss the last train back (11:30??? come on RTA). However, when I left it was pouring rain. So that sucked. Then it was still pouring when the train dropped me off, so another fun, wet walk back to lab. Then it was still pouring when I biked home. Then it was still raining when I biked in this morning. So my pants, shoes and socks are in the warm room and I'm wearing uncomfortable sandals and gym shorts.

Oh yeah, and the cute bartender was there again and she recognized me and then mocked my love of PBR tall boys. But those tattoos freak me out.

South Park

Is the best show on TV. Seriously, you will find no better satire of ANYTHING.

ANGEL ROCKS YOUR ASS OFF!!!

Holy crap

I come in this morning to the weirdest, coolest, funniest news ever.

Some crazyass Australian dude got an ear put on his forearm. A FUCKING EAR ON HIS ARM!!!

Well I guess I deserve a Ph.D. too, and not for my actual work. And so do the the guys from Futurama. 'Cuz if there's ever a Lucy Liu-bot, I'm marrying it/her. Hot.

Top ten Hot/Smart girls in Hollywood. I didn't even need to get past #10, I just went with her. But Jodie Foster? Maybe 20-30 years ago.

Congrats to Al Gore for winning the Nobel Prize (Peace? I guess.) If only for his Futurama appearances. Also, I watched Manbearpig last night. I might have peed my pants a little.

My name is Earl

consistently has the best music of any show, ever.

South Park

Crab People might be the best thing ever. Fucking ever.

Also, the new episode (last night) which I just finished tonight is awesome, if only for the ending. Heath was right, totally worth everything for the end.

(R) debate number 6 or something? Whatever.

Time again for the Romney robt to shine! Guiliani might mention 9/11! Duncan Hunter will be OK except for his idiotic war support!

9:05 Did Chris Matthews totally indirectly ask "what is money?"

9:07 Ron Paul sounds like a total nerd. Philosophising in this debate isn't going to win.

9:09 Uh, McCain, I think he's heard of this "Adam Smith" character.

9:14 Duncan Hunter is not smiley-faced anymore and also he apparently hates China.

9:16 Fred Thompson licks his lips/roof of his mouth waaaaaay too much

9:16 Sam Brownback is still in the race???? He's that creepy, nerdy, super-religious kid.

9:19 I'm embarassed to admit that I kind of liked Tom Tancredo, now he sounds like a weirdo.

9:21 Seriously, if you tear of Romney's face you'll find a robo-skull underneath. However, Guiliani is a dumb bully.

9:22 "hey man, it's cool." "no, it's not."

9:25 is Thompson gunning for the VP??

9:26 Hunter hates China and the free market. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I hate him.

9:29 Why does Tancredo hate illegal immigration? That weirds me out I guess.

9"30 Mitt Romney also hates the Chinese, just a little more subtley (is that a word?)

9"34 HUX0R-B = D0 N0T WANT. later, Duncan Hunter, STFU n00B!!!!

9:40 Sigh, Tancredo. Also, stop stuttering.

9"41 Second AS reference baby! But still not RP? :(

9:55 RP totally Constitutionally BITCHSLAPS robo-Romney

(Here's an aside, when will South Park cover Guiliani's fetishization of 9/11)

10:06 Dammit, McCain, stop loving the war so much. Sometimes you sound reasonable about stuff.

10:06 Ethanol question = teh best yet.

10:18 Tancredo sounds likes the Brain from Animaniacs.

10:28 REPUBLICANS HATE UNIONS!!! DISCUSS!!!

10:31 Fred Thompson: "I'm so folksy!"

There are 20 mins left and the best I can come out with is McCain-Paul? Crap. I don't care about staying awake anymore.

Mule

Hit up the Mule @ HOB alone last night, as I am wont to do. I was treated to an AWESOME first set, which isn't to say the the second set was bad, just not as awesome. Just a regular rockin' second set. With a 32-20 blues encore, which was pretty bluesrocktastic. The second set opener, Out of the Rain was really good too. Also, saw Rod there. You know, the Ashland physics prof. Who liked his students. The female ones. A lot. Ah, Brett, you only followed the example given I suppose. And it was cool to watch the Indians win during setbreak. Anyway, here's the setlist with particularly rockin' stuff in bold for future reference:

Set 1:
Streamline Woman
Bad Man Walking
About To Rage
Feel Like Breaking Up Somebody's Home*
3 String George
No Need To Suffer
Temporary Saint
Lively Up Yourself
Find The Cost Of Freedom8 with Grace Potter
Ohio* with Grace Potter & Scott Tournet

Set 2:
Out Of The Rain
Gameface->
Mountain Jam->
Gameface
Beautifully Broken
Like Flies
Drums
Slow Happy Boys
Unring The Bell Shakedown Street Tease
Blind Man In The Dark

Encore:
32/20 Blues

*1st Time Played

Next up: Porcupine Tree 10/22 HOB, DBT 10/24 Beachland, Ween 10/25 HOB

Breaking news!

From where else? The ISB, of course.

So I guess I'm out of shape

Made the apparent mistake of riding the bike up Edgehill. I really, seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. Or having one. So maybe I should head back to the gym.

Taiwan summer '08 or bust!!!

Things are looking up

because I got a new bike! I'm very excited that I never have to go down Overlook again. And biking in makes me happier than walking. Maybe life in general will pick up.

Look, if you can't even bike around and you're stuck walking, you are a loser.

Car>bike>walk

BYKZ0R!!!!!!!!!!

FACT:

Like a Prayer is the best fucking song ever written.

Porcupine Tree

is blowing my mindZ.



4 realZ

= 2 m4R5 VOLTA





methinks

Huh?

Fuck, I'm so wasted I seriously think I might have a real problem.

If you don't like this

then i don't like you:

In case you didn't know

I'm still Lord Bigfishington. I captured Lord Pikington in Michigan this past weekend and consumed him to gain his powers. I can already feel myslef becoming wilier and more mean-spirited. And sucka got stabbed in the head! That's how I roll chump!
Fishing in the rain isn't very fun, but when you nail something like that, it's great. Blastfax kudos to me!

Nobody told me that

Friday night is whore night!

To cheer myself up:

A World of Hurt by DBT

I was 27 when I figured out that blowing my brains wasn't the answer
So I decided, maybe I should find a way to make this world work out for me
And my good friend Paul was 83 when he told me; that "To love is to feel pain"
And I thought about that then and I've thought about that again and again

"To love is to feel pain" there ain't no way around it
The very nature of love is to grieve when it is over
The secret to a happy ending is knowing when to roll the credits
Better role them now before something else goes wrong
No, it's a wonderful world, if you can put aside the sadness
And hang on to every ounce of beauty upon you
Better take the time to know it there ain't no way around it
If you feel anything at all

So if what you have is working for you, or you think that it can stand a reasonable chance, and whatever's broken seems fixable and nothing's beyond repair
If you still think about each other and smile before you remember how screwed up it's gotten or maybe dream of a time less rotten
Remember, it ain't too late to take a deep breath and throw yourself into it with everything you got

Gym behaviour, part 1

Look, when you're going to work out, at least put the effort in. I mean, dinosaur-raping-donkeys what the fuck are these kids thinking?
If you don't know, all you need to work out are shorts(sweatpants), shoes, SOCKS and a shirt. That's it.

1. No hats. Gross. Until someone invents "sweathats" there are some nifty things called sweatbands that encircle your head and soak up sweat. ANd first of all, if you're in a weightroom, are you really going to sweat that much? And if you DO sweat that much that hat is fucking gross.

2. Sandals. What, are you retarded? Sandals give you in no way the stability of a shoe. Fucktard.

3. Wear socks. Gross.

4. WEAR A SHIRT. Otherwise, it is totally reasonable for me to naked lift, run and bike. There are more private mirrors to admire your physique. Otherwise I may start masterbat....I mean retching! Cuz, uh that's gross. Right?

Ha!

Go fuck yourself you piece of fucking trash

So you had to steal MY bike? Really? REALLY? You worthess piece of shit. I hope the chain snaps and you die. Or the breaks totally fail (they were on the way out) and you die. Either way I hope my bike causes your fucking death. Not really, I just hope you die. I don't care how it happens. Of all the bikes. Mine. I KNOW there are nicer bikes there. And that's not even the point. If I ever DO find out who you are I swear to Christ I will beat you within an inch of your life. Then I will kill you with the bike you fucking stole from me you inhuman fuckwad. I don't threaten either. I just do. Go fuck yourself.

The White Stripes

are an aweosme band.


I saw that. Just so you know. White Stripes, ftw.

THE SWORD

Effing awesome song/video from an effing awesome band:



www.swordofdoom.com

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once again, thank Chris Sims.

Happy early fathers day!

Click on the picture to play the video.



Happy Father's Day


Kris

This pretty much explains everything

Courtesy of "Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!" the funniest thing in existence right now.

Chris Sims as good as cat pictures

I'm pretty sure I could post 90% of what Chris Sims has on his blog, because it entertains me that much. Seriously. He's up there with cat pictures.





















Which is funnier the right or the left? I mean I like 'em both. But the right is funnier. I quantified it. You can make your own here. It's Photoshop, you can figure it out your-damn-self.

This makes me happy for at least three reasons:

Is it sad

That "Heaven" by Bryan Adams is slowly making its way up to the #1 played song on itunes? Probably.

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me
We bin down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

N' baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

I've bin waitin' for so long
For something to arrive
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you

Two of my favorite people:

So, uh what's the problem?

This is funny for so many reasons.

But seriously, who doesn't want a hot readhead who dresses like a whore to wash their clothes? Not I.

Somebody should tell her that her underwear is showing.

(r) pres. debate #2

Best start at the bottom of the post and read up. Also, I was really drunk by the end. Just so you're warned.

Rudy on the post show=not so good....uh database AND id card?

hey dood i oppose that.

RP FTL :(:(

Duncan hunter TS?

12b33rs.

Look Gilmore I believe that you’re not a racist.

Appropriate>???? Come on dude.

Dumb. (1027)

Wait wait wait. Tancredo FTW? Jack bauer? I agree. But u don’t say tha man.

Constitution, rp!, hooray?

1984, what???

And stop leaning

Save urself RP!!

Still embarassed

I don’t like (1024)

Oh, crumb. I don’t know who is who.

Wait, thast guy’s Duncan Hunter? (1020)

TT “I love Reagan” (918)

(that the battlenet talk)

Mitt ur answer l00z, ftL.

Dood, everyone does.

Guiliani, “I remember 9/11”

Gutfeeling is good answer.

McCain’s answer good? (1015) I really don’t know.

This “scenario” is , uh neat.

BY THE US MAIL (Cnstitutional)

I KNOW U THINK YOU’RE THE QUEEN OF THE UNDERGROUND!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’ll turn o n Stones during the commercial

Berr#10

RP, RepubParty social pariah.

TT, distancing himself from RP

But, uh TT’s global warming answer FTL

Now I’m a little embarrassed for RP

McCain w/ a softball Q.

RP blew it big time

Guiliani is rigtht.

Shit, bad answer

So, stop it.

Oh, he’s leaning. (1003)

Fst 2 Washington, RP +100

Quit lookin so squinty man!!

HELLS yeah!!!!!!!(1001)

Hey, I wrote that man. Me.

Uhhh Ron Paul. ??? (10:00)

And then RG ftL, stfu. National ID card. w/e

Guiliani with ethe Viagra joke ftw (959)

Mccain w/ another bad joke

Mitt hates immigrants

“I talkied to somebody yesterday.” (956)

As long as I don’t pay for it.

Explain the problem w/ immigration.

ZAM!@!!!

Wait he’s on fire (954)

Ooo Tancredo?

Wait no RP in rd 2?

Brownback “hey, man…..are you cool?”

Ugh, no it isn’t Christ man. (949)

Guiliani talking about coercion? I’m listening.

Slavery= abortion. Thanks. (948)

No for realz, u hate RP?

Those embryos are dyin anyway doooood

Cop out answer (947)

BAD quewstion

TT head of HHS, which funds NIH

Also, I love Reagan

He sounds stoned

Ok, brownback is creepy (945)

Mitt joke still better than mccain’s

Look only RP is the cnsistent conservative.

Hm, Huckabee sounds like clinton.

Huckabee joke better

9

Mccain joke, not so funny. (941)

George Will now or George will 10 yrs ago? (939)

Hilary is the only 4reason I might vote R

RG vs Hil

Cuomo is as much a republican as some of these doods

Gilmore callin bruthers out

Whos laughing so loudly?

8 beers. (936)

Damn, I’m all federalisted up. Tancredo bein all Cons Pro ftw

End 1st part

Live, here is the first 30 or so mins, with the time in parenthyeses
Start from the bottom and watch along while reading (900 my time = o:00 on the video)

Frome the most recent (good for reading from the bottom_)

Constitution for TT? Holy SMOKES!!!! (9:32)

TT/RP ticket??? Conservative libertairan’s wet dream?

Tancredo. Ohhhhh, that dude. Tancredo?

The arsenal of democracy Is leaving our shores. Brilliant.

Gilmore on the OFF (9:29)

Sooo RP p4wns TT FTW!!!!

Homeland security is retarded host guy (9:28)???

That’s right RP

F***k yeah RP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uhhhh

CDC???? Rewally?

Tommy Thompson will never be P or VP

Why can’t RP rebuttle everyone???

Lolololol at 9:25 You loser.

Damn your jokes, oh wait Brownback’s not as good

Who was that?

Wait, that wasn’t Brownback!!!

Better joke brtownback or mccain?

Zam John edwards!

Whoah, Brownback trying to steal RP’s stuffz (9:22)

Ooo, good joke McCain (4 realz)

I meant those caps.

BLASTFAX KUYDOS!!

Shouldn’t have been caps

UHHHH READ MY LIPS OR WHATEVER.

How’s that dood? (9:19)

Gilmore reminds me of Bush (2).

4 GLBs so far (Great Lakes Beer)

[How come no one else asks questions?]

Hahahahahah the fat guy! (9:16)

Oh wait, Duncan Hunter! NOW, I know!

mmmmmm.Reagan? I dunno RP

CONSTITUTION!!!! (9:14) I think he’s right. *mancrush*

I heart RP

Oh HELLS YEAH (9:13)

Oh, Duncan Hunter.

Wait, who are you? What are youreading from??? (9:13)

RP not in the top 5, goddamn you FoxN!!!

No, really

Look Guiliani. No one take you seriously. You just remind of the time you hosted SNL.

Der, Brownback wtf dood??? Segregate iraq?? Nice. (9:11)

Yeah, Brownback, , errr what? Where’s Ron Paul?

Yeah Mitt , I’m really impressed with yotr foreign policy knowledge

Mitt Romney is like a robot (9:08)

Uhhhh…what???

Tommy Thompson has no neck

RP #2!!!

“Hi, I’m Smiley McCain!”

Ron Paul's money quote from last night

"...if we want to go to war, and if we should go to war, the Congress should declare it."

Er, no comment

Here's an idea:

take an mp3 player on a roller coaster.

I'd listen to Iron Maiden (Run to the Hills, Aces High, others)

Hey that's me!

Lately light on content, heavy on cheap visuals!

Nice!

Oh, now I get it

Thank Chris Sims and the ISB

ew

GROSS.

Madman

Boston at last and the plane's touching down
Our hostess is handing the hot towels around
From a terminal gate to a black limousine
It's a ten minute ride to the Holiday Inn

Boredom's a pastime that one soon acquired
Where you get to the stage where you're not even tired
Kicking your heels till the time comes around
To pick up your bags and head out of town

Slow down Joe, I'm a rock and roll man
I've twiddled my thumbs in a dozen odd bands
And you ain't seen nothing till you've been
In a motel baby like the Holiday Inn

Oh I don't even know if it's Cleveland or Maine
With the buildings as big and rooms just the same
And the TV don't work and the French fries are cold
And the room service closed about an hour ago

This never gets old

homoseckshools

If you're a married woman, here are ways to tell if your husband is gay:

If your husband thinks you are a nymphomaniac or "pushy and aggressive" because you want sex twice a week.

If sexual activity steeply declines within the first few years of marriage.

You're always more sexually aggressive than your husband.

If your husband is turned off by the thought of touching your vaginal area or performing oral sex on you.

If his best friend is gay.

If he hangs out in gay bars.

If he enjoys watching gay porn movies and surfing gay porn Web sites.

If he is excessively homophobic, mocking and imitating other gay men.

If he brags about gay men complimenting him on his looks.

REALLY? If he hangs out in gay bars? Watches gay porn? Damn, dude. Guess I couldn't figure out I was gay.

Thanks, Captains Obvious.

If it were possible

I'd rate myself as a cloning stud. Meaning I woul reproduce with female cloning masters. Only if they were hot. Also, I'm drunk. And all my clones were CORRECT. Not that it does me any good now.

Is it sad

tha I've been staying up ust to wait for MC Labs to email me my sequencing data? So I can check it at 1:30 AM? Probably. Oh wait, now Lionel Richie is on, he's pretty smooth. And he'd wait to find out if he really had his mutants/Tracer constructs.

All night long!!!

Nice!

So this is the headline for Case's "recent news":

Case Western Reserve University recognized as one of top campuses for LGBT students

Me: great.
No, really, wtf? They could also recognize the school as being great for computer nerds. And ugly people. And assholes. There are plenty of all of those types here too. Also that new logo they introduced a couple years ago is still stupid.

progress

Yesterday I finished the bulk of the text for my paper. It is only the results (one section for which there is no data at all was left unwritten) but I'm pretty pleased with myself. The figure legends are almost done as well and the Materials and methods are about 1/2 done in my view. This leaves the introduction (the most work in my opinion) and the abstract. I think I'm going to make my boss write the discussion, because I can't make that stuff up. My goal for this weekend is to preoofread what I've got so far and to think about what else I might need to do.

Dancing rule

New rule: If someone politely declines your offer to dance with them, don't try it again. Just go find that sleazy guy and go home with him.

END COMMUNICATION

Heat Vision and Jack

This is the best thing I've ever seen. With lines like "All monkey-sluts shall be absorbed" and a talking motorcycle and Jack Black and Ron Silver! And Jack Black becomes super inteligent when exposed to the sun. I mean, what more do you want? Watch it here. Amazing effects and acting. Ron Silver is a seemingly invincible villain-killer. Some background here.
Music by Tom Jones, Puff Daddy, The Hollies and Metallica. And some crazy techno music. And strippers.
I remember hearing about this in 1999 when I discovered Tenacious D. Now, after finally seeing it I can come up with no reason this show should not have continued. Of course, now Jack Black is too big a star to do something this brilliant. But back in 1999 he had the chance to make history with this show. History's loss.

"All monkey-tramps dance on Paragon's lap!"

Beer! D&D dvds!

As far as I know we are the only two folks brewing Futurama themed beer. So I guess this can serve as an official invitation to David X. Cohen (or any of the Futurama staff, especially Billy West and John DiMaggio) to come over, hang out and try some "Bender's Obsolete Ale." Or absinthe. Whatever it takes, you know?

Unrelated to beer ( but soon to be) I just found out this is happening. I watched this damn cartoon every saturday when it was on and then on sundays when it was inexplicably moved. Always entertaining. I mean, Tiamat! The Dungeon Master! Venger! That stupid baby unicorn! I'm super excited.

Chach fashion

What the hell is the deal with guys wearing sandals with pants? If it is warm enough for sandals, it's warm enough for shorts. the same goes for long sleeve shirts with shorts. If you do either you look stupid.

You can call me Lord BigFishington

Pop quiz: Who caught the biggest salmon?
Who caught the biggest halibut?
Who caught the biggest grayling?

The answer to all of those questions is me. Evidence can be seen on the right.

In the meantime, Greg Gutfeld has become my favorite person ever for his absurd commentary on everything. An example:

"Me: Boy, you look terrific today!
Myself: Thanks! I've been concentrating on my pecs at the gym!
Me: It shows!
Myself: Would you like to go upstairs?
Me: Sure...but only for a minute.
Myself: That's all it will take!"

That is an excellent example of how he rolls. More on him later.

work, moving and dead cats

Been busy of late. What with the grant due on July 1st (and it's only on my stuff so no one but me and the technician to gather data....wheee!) and moving and the trip....Busy.

So, saw Jarrod in C-Bus after the Mule/Umphrey's McGee show (which, by the way, RAWKED!!!). We went to a few bars. The first bar we went to turned out to be for, er, the limp-wristed set? No, to unPC. It was a gay bar. There. Jarrod took us to a gay bar. So I can cross that off my list. Great. And the bartender called me "Hon," which I thought was weird. Until I realized where I was. Which actually took a few minutes. But after that I drained my Whiskey and Coke and jetted.

Moving is a pain in my ass. Too much work for those lazy landlords. I'd better get that whole damn deposit back. The new place is shaping up nicely though. And I love Netflix, except when they get my discs too late. I mailed thursday and still haven't got my new ones yet. I mean, COME ON!

Bigface is probably dying. If he's not dead. Which kind of makes me sad, he was a good cat when he wasn't stealing my hotdogs or pizza. But he was in pretty bad shape this morning. I don't think he was even aware of me (which isn't too different than normal) but he was breathing. Oh well. I mean, I don't want him to suffer or anything but there's not much I can do for him right now. We'll see how he is when I get home.

On a roll!

Wednesday: Met Cool Carl at the bar for the second half of the Cavs. At least I remember going home and going to bed.
Thursday: Watched Jeopardy. Landlord Carl was supposed to bring people around to see the house. As far as I know, never happened. Woke up at 5ish in bed. Don't remember anything.
Friday: Watched the Cavs not win the series. One more game to go. Woke up at 8ish on saturday and couldn't find my glasses. Spent the next hour looking. Don't remember the previous evening.
Saturday: Work in the morning then Luke and Erin's for drinkin'. I want a black out hat trick this week. That'd be great. I'm gonna try and do it.

Coheed and Cambria

Back from the concert. Avenged Sevenfold played before C&C. Some other band opened. We were running late due to the Cavs actually WINNING (we watched them score enough points to win at the bar) and then ran into post game traffic. Also people were going to the Indians game. Chelsea met some dude named Darryl (sp?) there. I'm pretty sure we were in the older demographic (like Weird Al and Tom Petty), mostly because everyone seemed to be in high school or just finishing high school. What a fun, sexy group of people. John and I stuck to the back for A7X (as the kids were calling them). Chelsea and Darryl went to find some "mosh-pitting" in the front. After their set, John and I staked our area out for C&C which we hoped would not be in a mosh pit area, but still close. Unfortunately we managed to find a staging ground for crowd-surfin kids, which may have had a greater potential for damage.
Coheed opened with "In Keeping the Secrets of Silent Earth: 3" which was an expected and totally rocking start to an enjoyable concert. Except for the crowd-surfing punk kids. And the creepy, clearly underage girls. But I didn't let any of that ruin my concert. I got "Welcome Home" and "A Favor House Atlantic" to make me happy. John wanted some "Once Upon Your Dead Body" but no dice; he got "The Suffering" instead and was pretty happy. The last encore was super played out and psychadelic. The kids couldn't handle the voice box on the guitar (like Frampton uses) and prolonged guitar fantasticness from Claudio. I thought it was great, but could have been better (for me) with some chemical "modification." Anyway, Coheed and Cambria put on a great show. I wish I could have seen a full 2 set show from them but I'll take what I can get.

New addition

"You Dropped a Bomb on Me" by The Gap Band

Also, my boss seemed to confirm the whole "1 year left" thing this morning when he introduced the new undergrad to me. Which is A-OK with me. New apartment is picked out and it had goddamn better well have a garage. Closer to Coventry will be fun.

The bath what?

Graduation. That's the plan now. Like by next spring or summer. So in honor of that I am putting together a list of music to play while people meander into the seminar room including
Hocus Pocus by Focus (both versions)
Jack in the Green by Jethro Tull
Velvet Green by Jethro Tull
Gabrielle by Ween

Thats it for now. But its going to be great. Promise.